


Maggie

by Kelinswriter



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Sanvers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-12 19:22:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12966609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelinswriter/pseuds/Kelinswriter
Summary: This is an alternative version to 3x05 – an attempt to write an exit story for Maggie Sawyer that was more in character and true to the spirit of both the show and Sanvers. Canon compliant through 3x03; they have discussed having children like rational people, but no mysterious offscreen arguments have occurred.





	Maggie

It ended like it began — with an alien. Not an Infernian this time, but something that Maggie hadn’t even been able to identify — something tall and mean with blue skin and the faint odor of rotting fish heads. She supposed it brought things full circle, that it was, in some way, fate — but then Maggie knew all sorts of people who used fate as an excuse for whatever went wrong in their lives, with no accounting for the choices that led them to where they’d ended up.

But she hadn’t made any choices that could have earned her this, at least not any outside of the crap that the racists and homophobes of the world might throw at her. She’d only been doing her job. So maybe it was fate, or bad luck, or simply God being an asshole.

It didn’t change the outcome either way.

\----------

“In here!”

Maggie slipped through the warehouse door, pausing to check her corners before proceeding toward the center of the room. The rest of the vast, empty space was in shadows, but a small section at the center was bisected by a rectangle of sunlight. And it was there, just for a second, that she saw whatever the hell they had been chasing for five city blocks. He seemed to flicker, a strange blue light wrapping around his form, and then she lost him in the intensity of the morning sun.

“McConnell? You got him around back?” she asked, taking several slow steps into the room, the two uniforms flanking her on either side. She wasn’t taking any chances with this guy; whatever he was, he was working for someone who seemed to be trying to move in on Roulette’s old territory, and after all the work she’d put in to shut down the slave trade in National City, the last thing she wanted was someone starting it up again. But it also made her extra cautious, because people like that weren’t the sort to be cowed at the thought of spending the rest of their lives in DEO containment for killing a bunch of cops. Some of them might even see it as a badge of honor.

“Nothing back here,” McConnell said, his low baritone crackling in her ear. “I don’t even —“ 

A sudden wave of static distorted his voice, the pitch spiking upward. An instant later, Maggie felt something zap through her right foot, something akin to an electric shock. She jerked, trying to pull away, but her foot was caught, anchored hard into place by whatever had grabbed hold. 

“Well, fuck,” she snapped. Her boot seemed to be encased in a force field of some sort, the light glowing blue and shimmering like a lightsaber. It was cold, too -- a sharp, stinging pain, like stepping in a bucket of ice. And it had her stuck, as surely as if she’d put her foot in a bear trap.

“Detective?” said the senior of the two unis, a five-year vet named Menendez who Maggie had been trying to talk into going for her gold shield next year. “You all right?“

“I can’t move,” Maggie said, waving Menendez away. “Go on, get back. The whole room could be rigged with these things.”

“I’m not leaving you alone,” Menendez replied, with a fierceness that felt more than a little familiar. “There’s got to be some way to get you out of there.”

Maggie shook her head. “I think we’re going to need some outside help on this one.” 

She tilted her head to indicate the sort of help she was referring to and saw an understanding light come into Menendez’s eyes. It was an open secret that the DEO existed; a slightly less open one that Maggie coordinated with them during the day and spooned with their best agent at night. Menendez, she suspected, had pretty well figured the whole thing out.

“You got it, Detective,” Menendez said, shooing her rookie partner out the door. She hovered at the threshold, unwilling to leave Maggie at the mercy of whatever had hold of her, but stayed clear enough that Maggie felt comfortable dialing Alex’s number. She was in luck; half the time she ended up in voicemail, but this time her fiancée picked up on the third ring.

“Hey, Pretty Lady,” Alex said, and even after months of hearing the phrase on an almost daily basis, Maggie felt a thrill run through her, a pulse of unbridled joy that anyone, much less someone as exquisite as Alex, would use that phrase about her. “You have time for lunch after all?”

“Probably not.” Maggie turned her head to the side, lowered her voice, and tried not to sound sheepish as she asked, “You know any way to get unstuck from a sticky blue light in the floor?”

\------

Kara arrived first, pausing at the door to scan the warehouse floor with her X-ray vision. “The rest of the room looks okay,” she said, striding forward and pausing, hands on hips, in a pose that reminded Maggie so much of Alex that she had to bite back a grin. “Alex said you can’t move?”

“It’s like my foot’s caught in a trap,” Maggie explained, adding a “Supergirl” just in time, because Menendez was peering through the door with more than a little curiosity about the informality of the exchange. “Every time I tug it seems to inch up a bit.”

“Hm.” Kara knelt down in front of Maggie, scanning the field that now encased her foot to just above her ankle. “Whatever it is, it’s putting out a ton of interference. And…” She paused, squinting, her gaze so intent that Maggie felt a prickle down the back of her neck, the sort that made her want to swing around and start shooting before she even got a clear view of her target. “I can see something shimmering just behind you...something like… a door?”

“A door to where?” Maggie asked, hearing a harsh edge of fear color her tone. She reined it in, keeping her voice so low that only Kara could hear as she added, “Gotta say, this whole thing is starting to freak me the fuck out, Kid.”

“I know, right?” Kara stood up and reached forward as if she was considering grasping Maggie around the waist. “Maybe if I just…tug?”

That seemed like a spectacularly bad idea, but before Maggie could point that out there was a commotion from outside. Alex came roaring in a moment later, flanked by a DEO strike team on full alert. Alex quickly surveyed the room, then gestured for her team to lower their weapons as she sprinted across the intervening space. “Maggie?”

“I’m okay,” Maggie said, opening her arms. The next thing she knew, Alex’s hands were pressed to either side of her face and she was being kissed with the sort of urgency they usually reserved for their bedroom. It wasn’t an unwelcome surprise; facing life or death situations on the regular did have its perks, and Maggie was happy to take advantage of this one whenever the opportunity arose.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Alex asked as she pulled back, her hands sliding down the arms of Maggie’s black motorcycle jacket. Then she dropped into a crouch, studying the sparkling blue light that had wrapped itself around Maggie’s foot. “Babe, what the hell did your get yourself into?”

“You tell me, Little Miss MD/PhD,” Maggie said, and Alex looked up at her, a hint of a smile playing across her face. “Think you can get me out?”

“Of course we’ll get you out,” Alex said as she pushed to her feet, those big, beautiful fawn’s eyes fixing on Maggie like she was the only thing in the world. “We have plans this weekend, after all.” 

“Oh, that,” Maggie said, and grinned. It was pretty much a permanent condition; the closer they got to the wedding, the more time she spent walking around with a stupid ass grin on her face. “I’d almost forgotten.”

Alex winked, then turned as Winn came through the door, dragging a cart full of equipment behind him. He gestured for one of the other agents to set it up off to the side and sauntered over, his fingers already flying over his pad.

“Hey, Maggie. I —“ He stuttered to a halt, his eyes narrowing. “Okay, that thing around your leg is freaky.”

“No shit, Winn,” Maggie said, more sharply than she’d intended — though with Winn, a little sharpness often helped to get his brain off whatever sci-fi reference it was stuck on and back to the problem at hand. Plus, there was undeniable joy in making him cower.

Just then the field expanded, slithering up her leg until it encased it to mid-calf. She bit back a curse and waved a hand toward it, saying, “At the rate this thing is growing it’ll be over my head before much longer.”

“Well if you were…” Winn trailed off as first Maggie, then Alex aimed a glare his way. “This is probably not the time for a short joke, is it.”

“Go,” Alex said, pointing toward the computers. “Figure this out.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Winn tucked his pad under his arm, looking more than a little like a dog tucking his tail between his legs as he slunk away. 

“He’s such an easy mark,” Alex said, and Maggie laughed, because when it came to strong-arming Winn, her fiancée was the undisputed master. Then Alex leaned in close, stealing another kiss, and wrapped her arms around Maggie’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, Mags. We’ll have you home in time for dinner.”

“Lunch would be better,” Maggie said, and Alex let out a laugh.

\-----

“So what is it?” Alex asked. 

She had joined Winn and J’onn at the computer, leaving Maggie for a time with only Kara as company. The blue light was now up to just above Maggie’s knee, and Alex could tell that the speed at which it was climbing was starting to freak Maggie out. It was freaking Alex out too, though she wasn’t about to admit that. Maggie might be playing it cool, but the biometric cuff Alex had put around her arm was showing an elevated heart rate, and the last thing Alex wanted to do was run it up more. 

Winn, on the other hand, was fair game, and Alex was more than willing to push his heart to its limits in the name of getting him to work faster. “A multidimensional portal is my best guess,” he said now, letting out a low whistle. “But I can’t get a power signature or any other kind of reading on the thing.” 

“So you’re saying this portal could be active for time, space, or even another universe,” J’onn said, arching an eyebrow in what was, for him, a display of near astonishment. “That’s a significant advance from anything we’ve seen before.”

“It’s slick for sure.” Winn typed in a command, wrinkling his nose at the results that popped up on the screen. “If I could get a read on it, I might be able to figure out where it’s aimed at or how to shut it down, but it’s bouncing me off like it’s made of Teflon. It’s almost like it’s…not really there.”

“So you’re saying she’s stuck there because some asshole forgot to turn off his TARDIS?” Alex asked, wondering if anyone would notice if the oxygen vents in the guy’s containment cell were turned off once they captured him.

“Basically.” Winn glanced over at J’onn. “You’ve never seen anything like this before?”

“Not without a proper ring,” J’onn said, the furrow on his brow deepening. “And based on how rapidly the field is expanding, we may need to consider other options soon.”

“What kind of options?” Alex asked, though the grave look on J’onn’s face gave her an inkling of the answer. She became more certain of it when he pulled her aside. 

“Alex, it’s important to remember that this passageway could be the portal to another planet, or another time, or even another Earth,” J’onn said, giving her that look – part father, part commanding officer – that he reserved for those moments when her personal and professional lives were most in conflict. “Our inability to pull any readings means Detective Sawyer could end up virtually anywhere with no way back. When faced with that option, the unthinkable may become more palatable.”

Alex considered the possibilities – that Maggie could end up on Slaver’s Moon, or somewhere in the middle of the 16th century, or even in another dimension’s version of any of those places. None of them seemed like a good option, but the alternative J’onn was proposing made her want to vomit. “Are you suggesting we amputate my fiancée’s foot?” 

A moment later, she heard Maggie chime in with her thoughts on the subject. “Dude, you are so not cutting off my foot!”

Alex rounded on Kara, fixing her with a glare. “Not helping.”

“What? She has a right to know!” Kara exclaimed. She was holding Maggie’s elbow, Alex noticed, and it occurred to her then that Maggie might soon need help to maintain her balance; might even need medical support to stay alive before they extracted her from the field. The situation was escalating rapidly, so if amputation was something they needed to consider, they’d best discuss it fast. 

She walked over to Maggie and leaned in close, softly saying, “Look, I know it’s not the ideal solution, but if Winn can’t find a way to break you out, then maybe this is something we need to consider.”

But Maggie just shook her head. “Babe, I told you when we watched _Grey_ ’s that Calzona-style bullshit is so not my thing.” 

Alex couldn’t help but laugh at that, for Maggie’s description had been far more colorful when they’d binge-watched a chunk of the show back in March. “What you actually said was that lesbian drama makes your head hurt.”

“Because it does,” Maggie said, and Alex was once again reminded how lucky she was that Maggie Sawyer had wandered into her crime scene. “Give Winn a chance to figure something out. He always does, right?”

As if on cue, Winn started snapping his fingers over his head like a man possessed. “I got something…I…” He lowered his arm, his face screwing up in frustration. “Oh, that’s so not what I wanted to see.”

“What’s not?” Kara asked, and Alex’s stomach twisted, tightening into a hard, tight knot.

“Well, it looks like Maggie’s electromagnetic field and the portal’s field have…sort of…merged.” Winn picked up his pad and walked toward Maggie, his fingers flying with every step. “See, all living creatures put out an electrical field. It’s what holds us together and allows our cells to function as a coherent unit.” 

“I know about it,” Maggie said with a nod, catching at Alex’s arm and using it to hold herself steady while she shifted her free leg into a new position. “You’re saying mine’s fucked up because of this damn thing?”

“It’s like you’re here but not here,” Winn said, leaning over and taking some readings close to the field. “Whatever’s snagged you is keeping you alive because that’s what it’s supposed to do when you pass through. But to compensate for you not having finished going from one side to the other, it’s having to increase its contact with you a little bit at a time.”

“And trying to forcibly extract her by severing her link with the parts of her on the other side would disrupt her electromagnetic field?” Alex asked.

“Yeah. And probably…um…kill you,” Winn admitted. He studied his readings for a moment, squinting at the result, and added, “Our best bet is to disrupt the field enough that it wants to spit you back out entirely.” 

“And how long is that going to take?” Maggie asked, with an edge of what might have sounded like irritation to anyone else. Alex heard panic, and it made her stomach do flipflops.

“Working on it, though I could use some…” Winn waved Kara over, and Alex heard him ask, “You think we could bring Lena in on it?”

“Looks like that dinner is going to be a late one,” Maggie said, and all Alex could do was hug her, hoping that if her face was hidden, Maggie wouldn’t see how frightened she was starting to be.

\----------

Maggie had been nervous before Kara went to get Lena. She downshifted into really fucking scared, however, when the field suddenly widened, grabbing her left foot too.

Alex and Winn both raced over, pulling readings from the field that they then squabbled over for the better part of two minutes before J’onn came over to referee the match. He ordered Winn back to the computer, then withdrew himself, leaving Alex to focus on the biometric cuff wrapped around Maggie’s wrist. Alex stared at it for a minute as if her mind wasn’t really there, then blinked, steeling her shoulders. An instant later she stood up, pulling Maggie into her arms.

“Don’t stand so close,” Maggie said, gritting her teeth against the sensation now traveling up not just one, but both of her legs. It felt like someone was jamming an icicle through her marrow – and not a little one, either, but one of the big monsters that used to dangle like stakes off the eaves of her childhood home. 

“I’ll be careful,” Alex replied, bracing one hand against the back of Maggie’s head. She pulled Maggie’s hair to one side, tucking it over her shoulder, and began to rub the back of her neck, each stroke more slow and gentle than the last. “I know you’re getting tired, so just lean on me for a little while, would you please?”

And Maggie didn’t argue -- simply turned her face into the crook of Alex’s neck, the smell and the warmth of it making her feel, just for a moment, as if everything was going to be all right. She wondered if anything would ever make her feel as safe; wondered how she was going to survive if it was about to be taken away from her forever.

She must have shivered at the thought, because Alex pressed a kiss against her temple, sliding a hand down to rub her back. “How bad is the pain?”

“Not bad,” Maggie said, too fast, for Alex scoffed, her brow furrowing in a look that guaranteed that Maggie was about to be called out on her horseshit. 

“I can feel you tensing,” Alex said, leaning back just enough that Maggie could fully rest the weight of her torso against Alex’s chest. “Talk to me. Please.”

Maggie took a moment to think it through, to frame an explanation that would make sense to someone who had grown up in a place where snow was the rarest of occurrences and icicles didn’t kill people. At last she said, “You remember when we went through the _Titanic_ exhibit in Vegas last month?”

“I still say we need an excuse to investigate the real thing for alien activity just so we can go down there,” Alex replied, and Maggie let out a snort. “I know. Nerd. Keep going.”

“Well, it’s like that big block of ice that’s chilled to the same temperature the water would have been,” Maggie said. Too late she recalled that Alex had only touched it for a split second, saying, “Been there, done that,” before walking away. But Maggie had stood there for as long as she could stand it; for a minute, maybe more, with her hand pressed to the ice, trying to imagine what it was like to be engulfed in that freezing water, to have that sharp, shocking pain surrounding her on all sides until her body succumbed to hypothermia. It had been a profoundly unpleasant experience, even for someone conditioned to cold and snow. Now it felt like a preparation of sorts; a way to adjust herself to being trapped here, with nowhere to go and no lifeboat in sight.

“It’s not that bad, though,” she said, and felt Alex’s arms tense around her as if sensing the lie. “I’m tough, remember? I grew up in Nebraska.”

\--------------

“We have an idea,” Winn said, and Alex straightened with care, wanting to make sure that Maggie was able to hold her own weight before she pulled away. She kept their hands laced together, however; the hand she had been holding against her chest as they stood, frozen like statues, while the field engulfed most of the rest of Maggie’s legs. It was almost to her waist now, making it a little harder for her to move. A little harder for her heart to do its work, too, if the blood pressure readings on the biometric cuff were any indication.

“Time is of the essence, Agent Schott,” J’onn said as he returned from the far end of the warehouse. He’d been conferring with Maggie’s captain and the police commissioner for the last twenty minutes, prompting Maggie to murmur, “Apparently this is what it takes to get their goddamn attention.” It was gallows’ humor, but then that was Maggie’s favorite kind. And so Alex had laughed, teasing her that maybe she would get a commendation out of this debacle. The alternative – that this would end in bagpipes and a procession and a loud, noisy wake at the alien bar -- was unthinkable. They were DEO, after all, and the DEO always saved the day, especially when one of their own was on the line.

And no matter what badge Maggie wore, she was quite definitely one of their own.

Lena spoke up for the first time since she’d arrived, looking breathless and disheveled, and not just, Alex suspected, because she’d been flown halfway across town by Supergirl. “We want to try generating a counter-field that will create a harmonic divergence,” she said, walking toward Maggie with what looked like a blood pressure cuff in her hand. It was attached to a series of wires running back to the computer terminal — some to generate a positive, others a negative charge.

Maggie nodded, then looked over at Alex. “For us lesser nerds, please?”

“They’re going to try to make your electromagnetic field taste so bad that the portal will want to spit you out,” Alex explained, and saw one corner of Maggie’s mouth turn up as if fighting off a smile. “I know, first time for everything.”

Maggie did grin at that, a full-on grin that showed off her dimples in ways that made Alex feel like she was about to melt. It took Lena stepping forward, the cuff held open as if intending to attach it to Maggie’s arm, to get Alex to remember that there was anyone else in the room.

“Let me,” she said, and Lena, with an understanding nod, handed the cuff over. Alex wrapped it around Maggie’s left bicep, pulling it as tight as she could over the sleeve of her jacket. “Hopefully this won’t take long.” 

“Question is, will it hurt?” Maggie asked, and Alex couldn’t answer; couldn’t do anything but touch her cheek and smile.

“I love you,” Alex said, leaning in for a kiss. She felt Maggie’s hands lift to catch at her arms, her thumbs tracing slow circles over the sleeves of Alex’s uniform, just as Maggie had done a thousand times before. As if this was just a kiss before they headed off to work in the morning, not a final bit of reassurance before this last ditch, desperate attempt to set her free. 

“I love you,” Maggie said, and smiled up at Alex, smiled in that way that made her feel as if she’d been given the greatest gift she could ever imagine. The gift of those eyes, those dimples. That fierce, never-ending love.

Alex kissed her once more, then drew back until she was standing alongside Kara. She felt Kara’s fingers thread through hers, but she couldn’t look at her; couldn’t look at anything but the love in Maggie’s eyes.

And then Maggie looked past her, straight at Winn and Lena, and gave a quick, determined nod. “Do it.”

\------------

The pain surged through Maggie, as if she was being simultaneously stabbed with a thousand knives and trampled by horses all at once. Her limbs went loose in their sockets, the joints threatening to tear in two, and all she could hear was a shriek, a shriek that seemed to go on and on and on. It was coming from her, she realized, with the tiny bit of herself that wasn’t overwhelmed with agony. She was screaming, she was crying.

She was being torn apart.

She found the strength, somehow, to tear the cuff off her arm, to toss it away, her scream of “No more!” reverberating throughout the warehouse. Her balance wavered as Winn and Lena’s competing field let go, and for an instant she hung suspended on the edge of the nothingness that was trying to swallow her whole. But Kara was there, catching her by the arms and holding her steady until she could breathe again.

“I’m not going to get out of this, am I?” she asked, keeping her voice low so the others wouldn’t hear. She could tell by the looks on their faces that they’d blown their last, best shot -- but Alex wasn’t ready to accept it, and Maggie couldn’t bear to force the issue. Not yet.

“I’m sorry, Maggie,” Kara said, her eyes welling with tears, and Maggie felt that sorrow two-fold: From the Girl of Steel, helpless in the face of an opponent she couldn’t vanquish, but also from the kid sister she’d never had, the one who overwatered the bonsai trees when they were out of town and ate all the vegan ice cream and occasionally showed up for Sunday brunch without texting first, to the embarrassment of everyone involved. 

Maggie nodded, biting the inside of her lip. She wanted to come apart, to sob like she hadn’t since that night, so long ago, when her father had ended her childhood with a suitcase and a few cruel words. But there were things she needed to do, and she couldn’t do them if she was blubbering like a schoolgirl. Crying was for after; for now, she needed to be strong.

She took a breath and held her voice steady, softly saying, “You need to be ready when the time comes. You have to keep her from trying to follow me through.”

And Kara just nodded and wrapped her arms around Maggie’s shoulders, holding on as if she could keep her there by force alone.

\--------------

 

They outfitted a pack for her, filling it with three days’ worth of water and enough food to last five if she rationed carefully. Spare ammo, some meds, a pocket knife, some gold coins of the sort that were still valuable in most of the galaxy’s ports of call — even a portable oxygen tank with enough air for twenty minutes, though if she landed someplace with no breathable air, that only seemed like it was delaying the inevitable.

“Couldn’t you have thrown in a bottle of Scotch instead?” Maggie asked as J’onn slid the backpack over her shoulders. 

“I managed a flask,” he said, and then smiled, that sly, secretive smile that he reserved for those he loved. “For medicinal purposes only, of course.” 

“Of course.” Maggie adjusted the straps of the backpack, shifting her jacket as best she could so the strap didn’t rub. Her shoulder was sore; they’d implanted a sub-dermal tracker beneath her skin in hopes they’d be able to pick up a signal once she was on the other side of the portal, but Maggie wasn’t holding her breath that it would work. The odds that she was going someplace within tracking range were slim at best, but she supposed it didn’t hurt to try. At this point, what she cared about most was making sure that Alex felt like she’d done all she could, that she’d exhausted every avenue. It was the only thing she had to hold on to right now -- that Alex would get through this, that she would be okay. 

“Agent Vasquez, your rifle,” J’onn said, and Vasquez handed it over, pausing to give Maggie a salute before retreating to the computer terminal. J’onn settled the strap over Maggie’s shoulders, slinging the rifle low around the back of the pack. “There’s two extra clips in your gear. And finally…”

He reached into his pocket, producing a vial of clear liquid. He cradled it in his palm, saying, “If you find yourself in a situation that is so intolerable that you simply can’t or won’t survive…there’s this.”

Maggie stared down at the vial, feeling a muscle in her jaw twitch as she processed what he was offering. She looked into his kind, troubled eyes and shook her head, giving him a sharp, tight smile. “I’m a cop, J’onn. If it comes to that, I’ll save the last bullet for myself.”

J’onn almost faltered at that, his stoic demeanor marred by the slightest flinch in his cheek. Then he leaned forward, framing her head with his hands, and pressed their foreheads together. “Be strong and brave, my wise, beautiful daughter. May H’ronmeer guide and protect you, and bring you home to us safely once again.”

Maggie nodded, squeezing her eyes shut against the tears that threatened at his words; the sort of words that she had longed to hear from her own father right up till the moment she let him go for good. She felt J’onn’s big hands wrap around hers, holding them tight as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Then he slowly let go. 

Which meant she only had one goodbye left — the biggest one, the hardest one. The one that was going to tear her in two. She saw Winn look at her; saw him tilt his head to the side before giving it a shake, the sorrow in his eyes almost too much to bear. She nodded, mouthing, “It’s okay,” and then looked past him; looked at Alex, who was still trying to find some way to keep this from happening.

But it was happening, and there was nothing either one of them could do to stop it.

It was time for her to go.

 

\----------

 

They cleared the area, the non-essential personnel drifting away until only J’onn, Lena, and Winn remained. James was there too; someone must have called him, and he stood in the back, pressing a kiss to his hand before lifting it in goodbye. She did the same; they’d had their disagreements, but he’d saved her more than once during the Daxamite invasion and she loved him like a brother. Loved them all like that — the family she had never imagined having, the one that Alex had given to her.

Alex, who was standing before her now, trying so hard to be strong when Maggie could see that she was falling apart. Yet her face was determined as she slipped the alien gun from her holster, turned it sideways, and said, “Take it.”

“Babe, no,” Maggie said. “You love that thing.”

“I do, but I love you more, and as far as I know it will never lose its charge. So take it.” And before Maggie could say more, Alex was reaching behind her to undo the top of the pack, sliding the gun in and redoing the fastenings with sharp, practiced movements. She took a step back, her hands dropping lightly onto Maggie’s shoulders, and said, “I threw in a flash grenade too.”

“You mean besides the one you gave me for our engagement?” Maggie asked, and Alex smiled, her eyes crinkling at the memory. 

“Pretty sure Mom thought we’d lost our minds when she saw it.” Maggie drew in a sharp breath at that, and Alex froze, her face filling with worry. “What’s wrong?”

“Eliza,” Maggie said, realizing that she had never even thought of Alex’s mother, who had been so much more than just her future mother-in-law these last few months. “I should have called her. I should have told her how much she means to me.”

“She knows,” Alex soothed, pressing a hand against Maggie’s cheek. “I’ll tell her, I promise. But she knows.”

She glanced over her shoulder, and Maggie realized then that Kara had slipped out during the rush to prep her gear. “Where’d your sister go?”

“I asked her to…” Alex trailed off, biting back a sob, and Maggie drew her close. She could feel Alex shuddering in her arms, a precursor to the grief that would soon be rolling over her in waves. 

“I know, Baby. I know,” Maggie said, and closed her eyes, breathing in deep against the pain – pain that had nothing to do with the agony, sharp as ice, still throbbing through her veins. She heard a whoosh, felt a gust of wind, and suddenly Kara was there, holding a black jewelry box in her hands. And Maggie knew then what Alex had sent her sister to get; knew that there was no way she was going to get out of this without crying. Which was as it should be, she supposed. If anyone deserved her tears, it was Alex Danvers.

Alex took the box, murmuring her thanks to Kara, who leaned over and pressed a kiss to her sister’s forehead. Then she turned toward Maggie, taking her hand and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “May Rao protect you and hold you in His light,” she said, pressing a kiss to Maggie’s forehead too. She smiled then, that sweet, sunny smile that Maggie had grown to love, and backed away – far enough to give them their privacy, yet still close enough to do as Maggie had asked.

But she couldn’t think about that now, for Alex was opening the box, revealing twin silver rings engraved with the word _Forever_. Alex pulled the smaller of the two rings from the box, gesturing for Maggie to lift her left hand, and said, voice trembling, “I will love you every day for the rest of my life, even when you’re not with me. It will always be you, Margaret Ellen Sawyer, and only you. This I promise.”

She slid the silver band onto Maggie’s ring finger, and Maggie felt something that had been missing slide into place, something that would be with her until her last breath, whenever that might be. The piece that was Alex, that would always be part of her soul.

Maggie felt her hand tremble as she lifted the other ring in her right hand, as she took Alex’s hand with her left, as, for just one minute, she forgot about everything but the love shining in Alex’s eyes. “I love you, Alexandra Elizabeth Danvers. I love you with everything I am and everything I always will be. And no matter where I am, I will always be with you. Forever.” 

She guided the ring onto Alex’s finger, easing it gently over her knuckle before it settled against the engagement ring she had given her only a few months ago. Too short for a lifetime of firsts, but they’d gotten what they’d gotten. And Maggie wouldn’t change a minute of it. 

She looked up at Alex, and smiled, and kissed her, kissed her like it was the first time, like they had their whole lives ahead of them and not a few scant minutes. At last she brushed a thumb over Alex’s cheek, whispering, “My Love, I have to go.”

“No,” Alex said, and at the sound of that word, Maggie felt something in her own soul shatter. “Please, Maggie. Not yet.” 

And Maggie wrapped her arms around Alex, pulling her close, so close that it felt, for just an instant, as if they were truly connected. She felt Alex rub the side of her face against her hair, felt her press a kiss to her temple, and then she was leaning in so that their foreheads were touching as they had so many times before. All those moments that they’d believed were the start of something, when it turned out they were just signposts on the slow slide toward the end. 

She breathed Alex in, wanting to remember her, to hold on to every second they had left. Then she let the words spill out, the ones that Alex needed to hear, because without them she would put up those walls again, the ones that had kept everyone and everything out. Would hold on to the ghost of what might have been and miss the possibility of what could be – of the life she deserved.

“I don’t want you to give up, okay?” she said, and felt Alex shiver against her. “I want you to have those kids you want, because you’re going to be a great mom. And if you meet someone, I don’t want you to be afraid of it. I want you to find love.” Maggie pulled back, catching at Alex’s chin and tilting it up, wanting her to hear these words, really hear them, so that maybe they’d sink in. “You deserve a full, rich, happy life. Please have that for me.”

“Mags,” Alex said, tears spilling down her cheeks. She wiped them with the back of one hand, sucking in a ragged breath. “I won’t give up on you.” 

“I’ll be right here.” Maggie lifted her hand, pressing it over Alex’s heart. “I’ll always be right here, okay? Me and E.T.”

“Nerd,” Alex said, choking out a laugh, and Maggie smiled at her, pulling her close. A breath, another, and then one more, until she felt the sharp edge of it, the moment where it became so unbearable that she knew she had to move or she’d never let go. So she slid her hands to Alex’s cheeks, pulling her in for one last kiss, one last breath of the life slipping through her fingers. Then she stroked her thumb over Alex’s cheek, and pressed their foreheads together, and slowly began to pull away. 

Alex’s eyes flashed open, and Maggie knew the terror she saw in them would haunt her until the end of her days. “Maggie,” she said, clutching at Maggie’s hand, their rings clanging against each other with the force of her grip. “I love you. I love you.”

“I love you.” Maggie threaded their fingers together, holding on for a heartbeat, then another. She glanced at Kara, nodded once, and then returned her gaze to Alex, giving herself one last moment to fall into those endlessly beautiful eyes. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she smiled, and she blinked them back, wanting to hold that face clearly in her mind so she could remember it forever. “See you around, Danvers.”

She closed her eyes, took a breath, and stepped into the abyss.

 

\----------

 

When Alex woke, it was dark. She was in a bed that felt both familiar yet strange, and there was a sound nearby, a safe, steady rhythm like a heartbeat. The ocean, it was the ocean, which meant she was in Midvale, and her head was cloudy like she was sleeping off a three-day hangover. Only it wasn’t a hangover, it was a sedative, because they’d given her one after — after —

And it all came crashing in, as hard and relentless as the surf surging outside her bedroom window. She rolled onto her side, a sob bubbling from her lips as grief, hard and sharp as a knife, stabbed into her guts. Maggie had disappeared in a flash of blue, and she had tried to follow, launching herself toward the open gateway in the desperate hope that she could make it through. But Kara had held her back, her grip unrelenting, while Alex fought and screamed and begged for J’onn to let her go too. 

But the door was closed, disappearing as if it had never been there, and there hadn’t been any signal from Maggie’s tracker since. She’d simply vanished without a trace.

Eventually someone had jabbed a needle into Alex’s arm, settling her down enough that Kara could fly her here. Alex remembered being cradled in her sister’s arms, being rocked while that sweet voice sang to her in Kryptonian, and then Kara had slipped away to join the search while Alex slept amidst the remnants of her childhood. But now that the sedative had worn off, all Alex wanted was its sweet oblivion again. Anything to dull this pain, to curb the madness that threatened.

Her sweet Maggie, out there on her own. Again. 

“Alex,” she heard, and a moment later her mother was sitting beside her, pulling her close and holding her while she cried. It went on and on, but Eliza just rubbed her back, whispering, “Brave girl. Strong girl. Let it out now.” 

“She’s all alone,” Alex managed to force out between sobs, sobs that tore at her throat and chest until her body ached from the strain. “How is she supposed to survive like that?”

“I don’t know.” Eliza rocked Alex against her, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and said, “I wish I could take this pain away from you. I wish you didn’t have to know what this feels like.”

 _To be a widow,_ was left unspoken between them. Because that’s what Alex was now, even if the law didn’t see it that way. She’d given Maggie a ring, she’d said her vows. In every way that mattered, they were married.

“We didn’t even get a year,” Alex said, and Eliza wiped her cheeks with a tissue, nodding. “Our first anniversary would have been on our wedding day.”

“Oh, my beautiful Alexandra,” Eliza said, and Alex closed her eyes, tears spilling out from beneath her lashes. “I wish I could give you an answer, but the truth is there is no easy way through this. You just have to live it one minute at a time.”

And Alex looked at her and asked a question — a question that, she realized, she should have asked a long time ago. “How did you do this when you lost Dad?”

“I held on to the love,” Eliza said, and in spite of the pain, Alex saw her smile. “The love was still there. The love will always be there.”

 

\------------

Alex drifted back to sleep for a while; long enough for Kara to return to check on her before heading out to search again. She and Clark were teaming up to try to cover the entire planet on the off chance that the portal had carried Maggie to somewhere on this Earth. In addition, Kara had sent a message to her friend Barry in hopes that he could ask his team to track Maggie’s signal on his Earth. It was a drop in the bucket compared to the possible places Maggie might have ended up, but it was all they could do.

Alex feared it might be all they could ever do.

So it was well past midnight, her mother having finally fallen asleep, when Alex crept downstairs, clad in an old pair of jeans and a Stanford hoodie she’d found tucked away in her closet. She walked through the living room, trying to ignore the collection of items her mother had been preparing to bring to National City: The pile of wedding presents from old family friends, the box of tablecloths and streamers, the custom-made cake top with one dark and one auburn-haired bride.

She left them all behind, all those painful reminders of the day that was never going to happen, not unless fate was far kinder than it had been today. She took nothing but the bottle of premium champagne her mother had intended for their first toast. She’d been saving it for a while, it seemed; since Alex had finished her PhD, apparently, a quiet little tradition that Alex hadn’t even known about until the pre-shower dinner with Maggie and her mother a few weeks ago. It made her think of Maggie’s parents, and whether she should let them know what had happened. Probably not, she decided — far easier to leave them in the blissful ignorance of their own homophobia. Being allowed to grieve for Maggie was too good for them after what they’d done.

She grabbed a flashlight, though she didn’t really need it as she took the stone path toward the beach. There was a half-moon tonight, giving her just enough light to pick her way past familiar landmarks until she reached the cove where she had once surfed and had bonfires and even, occasionally, made out with a boy. She’d brought Maggie here over the summer and they’d walked for hours, talking about their plans for the future, about the lifetime of firsts they wanted to share together. And then they’d built a bonfire and watched the sunset, making love under the stars until the sand and the smoke became too much and they’d retreated inside. Alex was pretty sure Eliza had heard them in the shower, but she’d been too happy to care. They both had.

So happy. So ridiculously fucking happy.

She sat down on the beach, her feet right on the edge of the surf, and leaned back on her elbows, looking up at the stars. She could count so many out here, away from the city lights. So many possibilities, so many places Maggie might be, if she was even in this dimension anymore. Perhaps she was standing on another Earth looking up at a different set of stars. Perhaps she was in another time, thousands of years in the past or the future. Perhaps she was hurt.

Perhaps she was dead.

Alex was starting — only just starting — to wrap her mind around the idea that she might never know. That they might never find any trace of where Maggie went, that she might never be able to make her way back to them. As lost as Alex would have been if Lillian Luthor’s death ship had hurtled her to the other side of the galaxy. As lost as if Maggie had taken a bullet. 

She knew she would have to accept it; knew just as surely that she never would. Some tiny piece of her would always look, would always hope, would always be waiting for Maggie Sawyer to come walking through the door, a smile on her face and a sparkle in those beautiful dark eyes. No matter how much time passed, a part of her would wake up every morning expecting to see Maggie lying next to her, would hear her voice whispering, “Sweet dreams, Danvers,” in that instant before sleep took her down. Would hold on, because once upon a time, Maggie had asked her to.

“Forever,” she said, popping the cork on the champagne bottle. She waited for the foam to subside and took a drink, lifting the bottle toward the stars.

_Forever._


End file.
